The Real Dirty Dancing review: The new celeb reality show is hardly ‘the time of your life’

Leigh Francis’ deliberately repulsive alter ego, Keith Lemon, is one of the dumbest and most annoying people on television. So he’s a very fitting host for E4’s very silly and rather tedious new show, The real dirty dancing. An overly long list of random underage celebrities are rounded up for 80 minutes to play various scenes from the undistinguished but cult 1987 ‘iconic’ film dirty dance. With so many people on board, everything quickly becomes very repetitive, and it’s about half an hour too long (be generous).

The “action” takes place in a replica of Kellerman’s original camp (this time in East Anglia rather than North Carolina) and the celebrities dress up, bravely get dragged into mucky dance moves and attempt to act in a way to “become” Johnny Castle (the role of Patrick Swayze) and Frances “Baby” Houseman (Jennifer Gray). The goal is that the couple who displays the most sexual chemistry (yuck) and who is the least bad dancer / actor can perform “The Lift” in front of an audience of dirty dance superfans in an unnamed place (but unlikely to be Shakespeare’s Globe). If the first episode is to be believed, it’s basically a good-natured chess fest.

Needless to say, I didn’t have “the time of my life” watching it. I recognized very few of the participating “famous faces”, although I timed two of the victims – Bobby Seagull, the math whiz College Challenge few years ago; and Anthea Turner, off blue stone when John Major was prime minister.

Unknown even in their own homes as many of them must be, it’s harmless enough and almost amusing. There’s a lot of Motown and Phil Spector, and Lemon’s consistent, impressive pelvis thrusts and over-the-top personality pretty much carry the burden of presentation. Co-host and Pussycat Doll Ashley Roberts couldn’t keep up with Lemon’s enthusiasm. Believe me: rarely has the word “iconic” been misused so completely and less convincingly than in The real dirty dancing.

Perhaps I should pay more attention to UK underage celebrity culture than I do, but there are so many these days, easily outnumbering the population of, say, Swindon. Doesn’t seem worth the investment. For what it’s worth, Blue’s Lee Ryan is the best dancer and has the muscular physique to perform the “iconic” lift, and comedian Verona Rose seems the best actor, though at least one other contestant does it as a profession.

The real tension with this show is the fear that it will lead to more celebrities trying to replicate moments from the films. You can imagine, say, the heartbreaking opening scene of Saving Private Ryan tempted by the ex-Apprentice star Ryan-Mark Parsons, Fall reconstructed by the cast of towieor the shower scene in psychology with Georgia “Toff” Toffolo and Peter Andre. The possibilities, I’m afraid, are endless when Keith Lemon gets this excited. Nobody puts Lemon in the corner.